This will be the first in a series of posts diving into human instincts and how they continue to play a huge role in our behaviour and decision making, whether we like it or not. An understanding of which of our actions are influenced by our instincts is critical to making better choices, helping us to live more with less. This series departs slightly from my past approach of extensive referencing all assertions, relying instead on my memory of prior learning and my personal experiences. Any corrections or alternative opinions are welcome.
A few years ago I attended a parenting seminar. It was intended to help prepare the parents attending for the coming transition of our children into adolescence. It was quite insightful for that purpose, but I took something else from it altogether. The key presenter was a neurobiologist and he did a great job of explaining the structure of the brain and how the development of different parts of the brain through a persons life reflect the same process in the history of evolution.
Where the Wild Things Are
The spinal cord contains the most reflexive elements of the neural system, providing fast, automatic responses to stimuli without the need for any further processing. This is the first to develop in utero and the function mirrors the earliest forms of complex life. Next to develop is the brain stem, sometimes referred to as the lizard brain. This is the part most responsible for our instincts and other automatic functions including, breathing, sleep and digestion. This is the about the limit of brain function for our reptilian ancestors. If a human could survive at 6 weeks gestation, they might resemble a lizard in behaviour. When startled or acutely afraid it is our lizard brain that takes over to try keep us safe. It is responsible for the flight, fight and freeze responses.
Next comes the limbic brain, which the presenter also referred to as the mammalian brain. This is largely where our feelings live. The limbic brain is physically present at birth and develops substantially in the first few years of life. Further development continues through adolesence and beyond in a non-linear fashion.
The final portion to develop is the neocortex or cognitive brain. This is the distinctively intelligence portion that gives us language, reason, planning and abstract thought. It is where our conscious thoughts are produced, where our imagination lies and how we moderate the lower order parts of the brain, at least when all systems are in order and functioning well. A vast portion of the cognitive brain is devoted to social functioning. This is the part of the brain that allowed for the extensive cooperation of early humans. It allowed us to overcome environmental threats and dominate every other species, in-spite of being relatively weak and squishy as individuals.
An Important Step in My Journey
My attendance at the parenting seminar came at a time when I was trying to understand some of my own unwanted behaviours. Some of this was pretty serious, driving a wedge between me and the people I cared most about. A few people had suggested therapy, and I did attend counseling. It was this scientific take on our brains that really helped set me on track. The idea that it was primal instincts underlying the automatic reactions was highly validating. Now I could be grateful for how those instincts served me and my ancestors. I could let go of the shame. And I could begin to develop awareness that my cognitive brain was being overrun by instincts and be pro-active about it.
As time has gone on I have dived much deeper into my own psyche as well as the science of instincts. I am still at times unwillingly overrun by some of the deepest instincts, but I have become much better at recognising what is happening and diffusing things before too much damage is done.
I’m keen to hear from readers who have had their own experiences of instincts taking over, for better or worse. Please post in the comments or contact us.
What Are Instincts?
My understanding is that instincts are deep, evolutionary functions rooted in the primitive parts of our brain. They kept our ancestors safe, and still play an important role today. They are biologically programmed, meaning we are born with them. And they are subconcious, so without deliberate introspection we are not even aware they are controlling us.
There are numerous instincts at play across all aspects of our lives. They are not inherently bad and in most cases are inherently good, at least for keeping us alive. Consider how valuable our instincts for self preservation are when a car unexpectedly swerves towards us while walking down the street. If we had to think about jumping out of the way, we’d already be through the windscreen by the time we registed what was happening.
Its also important to realise that biological evolution is a slow process, with significant changes taking millions of years. Modern humans have existed for just 300,000 years and civilisation for just 10,000 years. Technological and social evolution is extremely rapid, by comparison. This contrast means that many of the instincts are out of date. Somewhat like obsolete firmware for the technically inclined.
The pyschologists and researchers working for business and governments are keenly aware of this too of course. They make sure to capitalise on our instincts in whatever way they can to make us good consumers and loyal voters or citizens.
What Are Values?
It is worth mentioning values too, as part of this discussion, though I won’t dive too much further into this, beyond here. The main distinction is that values are chosen or imparted upon us through modelling and instruction. They are developed in the cognitive brain, though our limbic brain assists with motivation. We may adopt them at such a young age that we may not easily distinguish them from instincts as adults. The key difference for our discussion is that values are a product of culture and may vary substantially from one culture to another across both time and space. Instincts, on the other hand, are universal and are relatively unchanged in the history of humanity.
That is not to say the same instincts will come into play as easily or as fiercely in everyone. Our personal experiences, particularly in early life help to tune up or tune out some instincts to make life bearable. Particularly notable is childhood trauma or neglect, even minor in nature, which may produce apparent numbing of some instincts and extreme sensitivity to others.
While we are mostly stuck with our instincts, values can and do change with time. We adopt new models, reflect on our learnings and produce new visions of who we want to be and how we want to act. It is thus possible for our values to clash with our instincts or to complement them.
When Instincts and Values Align
When an individual’s instincts and values are aligned life feels relatively easy. It feels easy to make good choices and to trust in ourselves. This makes for relaxed confidence. A person who is pleasant to be around and does not need to argue, project or defend their position. Trust develops, both within and with others.
Such an example would be where a person’s key value is care of others and a they have a healthy relationship with their protective instinct. For as long as this works for those they are caring for, this would assist the person in their objective and give them a clear sense of purpose.
Neither instincts or values exist in a silo of course. Alignment with, or at least understanding of, others’ values in a relationship is important for harmony. This took Emelie and I many rocky years to come to terms with in our relationship.
When Instincts and Values Clash
When there is a clash between the values a person has chosen or been handed and underlying instincts there can be serious inner turmoil. This invariably results in external conflicts too, as the person seeks to reconcile their divergent elements. This was me for most of my life and something that I have still not come completely to terms with.
One example that was prevalant for much of my adult life was a status-seeking instinct clashing with my values of humilty and equality. This showed up as interrupting people to correct them or prove a point, only to regret this. I would often then double-down with further negative reactions driven by a preservation instinct when called out. This drives a shame cycle keeping that preservation instinct on edge.
Over time the impact on friendships, colleagues and loved ones was highly destructive. People reported feeling dismissed, disrespected and unsafe. Important connections were eroded and friendships lost thanks to this clash, ultimately proving to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instincts That Challenge Us Most Today
Over this series of posts I’m going to focus on five instincts that have become most prominent and potentially destructive over the course of modern history. There is often shame associated with each of these, but I would like to call that out up front. Having these instincts is what makes us human. If we can acknowledge that and let go of the shame, we can get on with developing a stronger appreciation of each and find the positive.
- Self preservation
- Acquisitiveness
- Tribal loyalty
- Status-seeking
- Short-term thinking
I will explore how each of these played an important role in our biological evolution and why they still matter today. I’ll also look at how many of these instincts are being targeted whether intentionally or coincidentally by businesses and people in power. I’ll offer some examples from my own life of how they have caused me or those around me grief and what I have done to get a handle on them.
Positive Instincts to Rediscover
There are also a handful of instincts that we have tended to ignore at best and suppress at worst. These are at risk of atrophying if not played upon, yet are equally or perhaps more important to a future we can all love.
- Altruism
- Playfulness
- Reverence
- Patience
- Presence
As with the more power focussed instincts, I will look at the role these instincts played in early human history, which they have become overwhelmed in modern society and how we can bring them back into the light for the benefit of all.
Moving Forward: An Invitation
That parenting seminar opened a door for me. At last I could begin to put shame behind me. It allowed me to begin to accept who and what I am. To understand what fueled my outbursts and my drive to please others. Taking the lid off each of those instincts has shown me what is cooking in there and to adjust the seasoning bit by bit, to better suit my taste.
I still have a lot of work to do, but the people who have known me for more than a few years, have described a vast transformation in how I am to be around. This, on the outside, is an affirmation of the transformation I have felt on the inside. Something I feel is possible for everyone, with patience and the right insights.
Future posts in this series will explore each of the ten instincts listed above in depth and how we make the most of them to get more out of life with less conflict and stress. Subscribe to stay up-to-date.
Have you experienced a clash of instincts and values? I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights in the comments.