Blog Diary 14/11/25
When Jon left to hitchhike to Hamilton Island, Adam had been sick for a week. I expected that Adam would recover soon after Jon left, but as the days passed, Adam was still fatigued, with large swollen glands on his neck and suffered from seemingly random nose bleeds and fevers. The doctor didn’t seem to think his affliction would continue for much longer, and if it did, it might possibly be glandular fever. He had tests for covid, and the usual viral suspects like influenza, but it wasn’t those. We went for blood tests including for glandular fever. Whilst waiting for those results, Adam missed out on seeing my parents (who live in Cairns but were visiting Brisbane for a medical consultation) because he was sick.
The glandular fever results came back negative. Talking to my friends and family about Adam’s afflictions, they told me stories of Ross River Fever, Malaria and Dengue, and that people they knew had possibly picked up Ross River in Brisbane. We went back to the doctor to be tested for those. While waiting for those results, I had other problems.
Can We Go to Camp?
Dani and I were booked to go to a Mother-Daughter Camp on the weekend which was run by volunteer mums from Dani’s school. Adam was also booked in to go to a scouts camp at the same time. Adam was definitely not well enough to go to the scouts camp, but I couldn’t take him to Mother-Daughter Camp. Was he well enough to stay home by himself? On the Monday before camp, he said he would be fine, but after a bout of random fevers and not having the energy to eat on Wednesday while I was at work, I knew that he needed more care. I asked a few good friends if they could look after him, but with the unknown affliction and short notice, they couldn’t help. My parents also happened to be in town that week but their return flight had been booked before the camp and they said they couldn’t help out either. I thought that perhaps I would have to cancel Mother-Daughter Camp but I knew that would be very disappointing for Dani. She was already having a hard time with how much special treatment Adam was getting and she was missing Jon.
A solution?
I eventually remembered that we have family members who aren’t blood relations of mine, and I got on the phone to Jules and Steve, Jon’s stepmother and father. They were kind and said of course, bring Adam to their place and they would look after him. Jon’s brother and Jules’s grandson were already staying at their place, and Adam might have to stay on the couch, but he would be well fed and cared for. They live 1 hour’s drive from our place, and the idea of using fossil fuels to drive to their place and then to Mother-Daughter Camp and back (total of 5 hours of driving) really challenged my values. I wondered if my privilege to burn millennia old sunlight captured in oil just for a fun getaway was justified. Would I push my car all that way? No way! I also wouldn’t want to ride my bike there.
But on the other hand, what would Dani say if I said she couldn’t go because I didn’t want to drive, even though we have a functional car and money to buy the fuel? I imagined her disappointment at missing out on making those memories with her friends, her anger at having such weird parents who refuse to drive, her sadness and loss of trust because of my promise being unfulfilled. I cried. Neither option was good. Jon was supportive of me going. So I accepted that I was doing the driving and moved on with life.
On the Road to Camp
Adam needed an xray of his lungs and more blood tests and the car battery needed replacing (no thanks to Repco who refused to change the battery despite their marketing online saying they would). It was nice to see Steve and Jules again albeit briefly, and Steve generously changed the battery in the car before Dani and I left to go to camp. I realised that Dani and I had never gone on a road trip together before. She was a comfortable companion; mostly quietly reading or thinking and sometimes talking to me. There are times when I wonder at the differences between my children and me, and this was a time that I recognised a similarity between Dani and me.
Arriving at mother daughter camp, we discovered that we were sharing a cabin with 2 of Dani’s good friends and their mothers, which caused quite a bit of excitement. The camp was lovely – no cooking or chores, plentiful blue skies, white sand and clean, crisp ocean water. We played games, painted faces, chatted with our friends, went for walks, boogied in our sparkly outfits and generally had a good time. I really appreciated the time out and the organisers for arranging such a wonderful experience.
Back to Reality
After 2 nights of bliss, we went back to Steve and Jules’s place to collect Adam. We shared a lovely lunch, caught up on the family stories and received a number of secondhand clothes. A storm rolled by, heading to Brisbane to pelt everyone there with rain, hail and epic winds. Returning to our place, we discovered a package of hail on our front doorstep, but minimal damage. Adam was in pain and feverish, and told me that he had pain in his abdomen, and that it had been happening for a number of days. He was struggling. After consulting my mother (who had been a nurse for 40+ years), I decided to take him to the hospital. It was 10pm on a Sunday night. My friend agreed to look after Dani, even though she had no electricity. While I was trying to settle Dani into being at my friend’s place, Dani had a panic attack and really couldn’t handle being there without me. I didn’t want to take her to the hospital too, and Adam seemed to have stabilised, so I decided to take the kids home, and maybe try going to the hospital the next day.
I called the doctor the next day. The doctor said the pain was from enlarged glands in his abdomen, and thankfully his medical tests came back as negative to Dengue, Ross River, Malaria and Pneumonia. He was also apparently improving according to his blood tests, which gave me some hope, and we decided not to give him antibiotics or take him to the hospital.
Struggles Continue
Adam’s pain came first thing in the morning and also after eating. Getting Adam to eat something had been hard before but now it was harder for both of us, knowing that it hurt him to eat. He had been unwell for 2 weeks, and avoiding eating food was not a reasonable option. I tried making foods that I thought he would want to eat: chocolate brownies (stayed in the fridge for over a week), vanilla slice (he didn’t want to touch it), chicken soup (again, no dice). I bought yoghurt (it was too weird – I didn’t realise it was the lactose free variety), I cooked salmon and mushrooms which took him days to consume, and the meat pies that I expected him to be interested in are still in the freezer. It was definitely not the eating behaviour of my normally hungry 13 year old.
Work kept me busy during the days. Grade 12 engineering external exams came and went with last minute tutorials reminding students about the formation of crystal structures in steel and how mechanical advantage works. I released an assignment to my grade 11 engineering class and planned their next unit of work. My aviation students needed catch up exams and structured guidance on how they could complete their essential work . I also started helping out with assessing grade 12 Certificate II in Active Volunteering to try to get as many students their certificates before they complete grade 12.
There was a lot going on. Life was a struggle and I wasn’t participating in the activities that I would normally do to keep myself sane and happy. I hadn’t been to zumba or dancing for 6 weeks, and I felt tired all the time. I knew that I was iron deficient and stressed, and it felt like I had limited capacity to look after myself any better than I was. Adam would improve and then days later randomly get fevers and be unable to get out of bed. Every time he got worse, I was surprised, worried and anxious. I started leaving him packed lunches in the fridge so he would eat something. One day I found out he couldn’t get out of bed to get himself breakfast, so I started leaving him a snack beside his bed overnight so he would have something to eat in the morning.
Relief
A few nights after Adam’s last bad episode, I received a late night text message that woke me. The back door opened and someone came in. It was Jon arriving home.
It was such a relief to have Jon home. I instantly felt so much better, like a cloud that had been hanging over my life had suddenly been lifted and I could finally breathe again. He cleaned the house. He organised the fridge. He cooked me iron rich foods and gave me cuddles. Most importantly, he shared the burden of having a sick child and made decisions that I didn’t have the capacity to make. I am so grateful for Jon’s support and love.
Single parenting is really hard. There were many times that I wished that I could be in two places at once, which forced me to make decisions that were not ideal. This experience has provided me with some perspective of trying to live in alignment with my values whilst having very real limitations that have caused me to make decisions outside of those values. I was drained and stressed, and I feel for those of you who are currently living in such a state. I leaned heavily on friends to help out with the care of my kids and ducks. It was difficult for me to ask for help and I deeply appreciate the generosity of my friends and family who were so willing to help. I discovered that while I had little energy for dance, walking and actively practicing gratitude also helped me through the hard times.
Now, I am feeling back to normal. I have enjoyed going back to Zumba and having some time to myself to sew and relax. Adam is still going though medical testing to identify his infection. He is much better now and is continuing to improve. His pain seems to be mostly gone, and he is eating more enthusiastically. Last week, he went to school, and even had the energy to ride to school and scouts on Thursday. Things are looking up.